Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Two Thoughts Post-interview on the Savelyev/Hansen Adoption Case

Yesterday I was interviewed by Mary Beth Wells for her radio show Adoption - Journey to Motherhood. If you missed the show you can hear it at .

I first want to thank Mary Beth for hosting me on her show. She invests a lot of herself to provide an open forum for adoption-related issues, and I encourage you to follow her show.

Now for my two thoughts:
1. Can we all stop referring to Artyom as "the little Russian boy"? I've seen his name spelled a few different ways, and I'm not sure which is correct (including my spelling). Regardless, it's his name. He is a person and he has a name. Phoebe Prince. Kate Gosselin. Carrie Underwood. Artyom Savelyev. It's not too much to ask.

2. Let's get honest. Please. Too much adoption dialogue is careful (nice word) or dishonest (not so nice word). I hear from a lot of people who agree there is work to be done within the adoption community. I believe that work begins with each of us having the confidence to speak honestly about our experiences and LISTEN non-defensively to other people's experiences.

Honestly, I'm not every other adoptive parent you've ever met. I'm not any other adoptive parent you've ever met. Can we all reserve our conflicted feelings for the people and situations that are relevant, and hold our fire for the people who simply have a similar label? Birth parents and adoptive parents and adult adoptees insulting and ganging up on each other online... we're killing a lot of flies with sledgehammers here, folks, and it does nothing to move any of the issues forward.

As always, thanks for reading.


Click here to purchase Sally's , What I Want My Adopted Child to Know: An Adoptive Parent's Perspective.

Sally Bacchetta
The Adoptive Parent
My Google Profile+


Von said...

There's a lot of angst out there in adoption land and not surprisingly as Artyom's return to his homeland, subsequent placement and possible adoption will at least get him back amongst his own people speaking his own language.His multiple traumas are undeniable and will never leave him however much he is loved, cared for and given therapy.
Ms Hansen has stated she was lied to, no doubt she was, by an adoption industry that is concerned for profits and trafficking of children.Those things are facts.
There is much to be gained for the reformation of adoption, for people involved to speak out, to listen and have compassion for the situation of others.

Kelsey Stewart, Author said...

Here! Here! I agree about the ganging up style of people trying to push opinions indtead of talking about them. I often sit back after reading a harsh exchange and think about what they are both trying to put across. Most just want to be heard, but are tired of a society of labels. This is particulairly true with use of certain words or terms.

Then again, look around at the media. Many a people are entertained by screaming, insulting, outrageous behavior that is in abundance on tv. It is also much easier to let your fingers do the walking behind a screen with no real one on one contact.

I read a lot, and learn a lot about all walks in this adoption world. I have learned from some voices, and been astounded (not in a good way) by others. We all need to think about what we are trying to say, not about how we want to vent.

familyofthree said...

Ugh... I just feel sick for that poor little boy. The thought I keep coming back to is that if this parent would do something so cruel in the public's eye (she HAD to know this would make headlines!), what must she have done in private? So sad for him. :(