tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post322486851750055970..comments2023-05-23T12:00:45.866-04:00Comments on The Adoptive Parent: Open Letter to Adoptive Parents and PAPsAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16430211503686641416noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-65671453497247052012018-08-14T04:42:27.312-04:002018-08-14T04:42:27.312-04:00I want to say a very big thanks to Dr.Ogbes for he...I want to say a very big thanks to Dr.Ogbes for helping me with his Roots and Herbs,after 15years of marriage with no child but thank God today with the help of Dr.Ogbes roots and herbs i got pregnant with the period of 3weeks after the roots and herbs treatment and i pray God give him more power to help other stander out there trying to get pregnant.for help you can reach him via: Landofanswer@hotmail.com or call +2347050270227.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-73535487949338737372011-02-08T21:55:20.377-05:002011-02-08T21:55:20.377-05:00From an adoptive parent, thanks for the post! It&...From an adoptive parent, thanks for the post! It's a must read for all. www.rebeccabany.comMemoirs of Me & Minehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14366737473619508232noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-59748646623756235872010-12-23T20:28:40.994-05:002010-12-23T20:28:40.994-05:00According to your post, I'm your ugly PAP.
My...According to your post, I'm your ugly PAP.<br /><br />My "family of two" has experienced three failed adoptions. Our first failed adoption was by a woman who was not pregnant. It took us three years to convince the government authorities to indict this mother.<br /><br />The second woman was really pregnant, but never had any intention of following her adoption plan. She had a criminal record, bragged about her deception on her face-book page and delighted in pointing out the fact that she had a child and that we would never have a child. Even with her criminal record, the authorities only placed her on probation and refused to discipline the adoption agency.<br /><br />Our third adoption failure was even more painful. Our pastor contacted us about a teenager in the church that what to create an adoption plan for her unborn child. We did this. We found her a counselor, got her a lawyer, paid her medical bills, but her grandmother objected and six weeks before her due date her informed us that she would be parenting her child. To rub salt into the wound she and her family sued us to attempt to force us to continue to pay for her medical bills. After three months in court, we finally got the case dismissed.<br /><br />Now we have been informed by our new adoption agency that we are too old, and too poor to adopt. <br /><br />Also, please don't recommend the US Foster Care system. It's a joke. We been on their waiting list since 2001. We never heard from them and we inquire quarterly for any new adoption opportunities.<br /><br />Also, don't dismiss us as not being qualified to adopt, we passed three home-studies, work as a law enforcement officer and my wife works as a nurse. If we are not qualified to by adoptive parents, then who is?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-68946705201522594122010-08-15T01:02:35.020-04:002010-08-15T01:02:35.020-04:00Very, very well said. My two children are adopted...Very, very well said. My two children are adopted. Early in the process it's easy to think about the heartache that could happen when an adoption doesn't go through. However, it became clear to me that the only thing to pray for is that the best interests of the child occur - whatever God deems that to mean. We really need to be in this for the child not for ourselves.Paulhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06041755458116328196noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-71214595806122661552010-08-09T10:44:13.716-04:002010-08-09T10:44:13.716-04:00"You can choose to adopt privately or from fo..."You can choose to adopt privately or from foster care if you can't or don't want to pay adoption agency fees."<br /><br />I am adoptee; one adopted privately. <br /><br />If you (any adoptive parent) think that adoption agency costs are something to complain about then DON'T adopt privately. There are A LOT more costs when using private attorneys. My parents paid over $5,000 back in 1976 for legal fees, court costs, attorney fees, etc. And don't forget that with most private adoptions, the attorneys will negotiate for the adoptive parents to also pay for hospital fees, doctor fees, pre-natal care, medical expenses of any kind related to the baby, etc.J. Marie Jamesonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13332149448125750269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-75930406511763142512010-08-06T22:44:54.986-04:002010-08-06T22:44:54.986-04:00What a great post.
We had a bumpy adoption journe...What a great post.<br /><br />We had a bumpy adoption journey. One adoption fell through when the birth father decided he couldn't go through with it. I was hurt and sad, but never did I feel that he had somehow "broken" our agreement. <br /><br />A second adoption fell through when the birth mother disappeared -- ceased contact with us and with her attorney just a few months before her due date. I had to work hard to get over being angry -- more because of the lack of contact or an explanation -- but I did finally get to a point where I did a lot of praying that she and the baby would be okay, and that helped me get over my anger.<br /><br />By the time we were matched with a third birth mother, I was pretty skittish. I started out with lots of praying that things would "work out," meaning, of course, that the baby would end up with us. But after some soul searching (and lots of reading on adoption issues), I switched to praying that things would work out in the way that was best for the baby. It took <b>a lot</b> of work on my part to be able to say that and honestly mean it, to not silently add at the end, "and of course that's with us." But once I could do that, there was a certain amount of peace in the remainder of our adoption journey.Tonyahttp://www.mommymusings.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-6789048668897844482010-08-06T07:25:02.747-04:002010-08-06T07:25:02.747-04:00Amen to this post! But a TRIPLE amen to #8! My hu...Amen to this post! But a TRIPLE amen to #8! My husband and I are international PAPs and I was recently horrified when a couple I love and respect who are adopting domestically asked for prayer after a birth mother who had previously chosen them to parent her child, had decided to parent her daughter with her family's help. I didn't comment, becuase I didn't want to hurt their feelings, but I knew I could not join in on that prayer. <br /><br />I have been considering a post like this, but you wrote it much more eloquently than I could have. <br /><br />Cheers<br /><br />MeliskiMeliskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11110415935998019937noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-6562209992577731212010-08-02T23:06:03.936-04:002010-08-02T23:06:03.936-04:00I loved reading this! We had a private adoption th...I loved reading this! We had a private adoption that failed because the birthmother changed her mind. We were hurt of course, but ultimately knew it had been her choice all along and that God ultimately knew what was best.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14935072719710827373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-54533474770250585472010-08-02T18:45:46.801-04:002010-08-02T18:45:46.801-04:00Sally,
I also applaud the sentiments expressed in...Sally, <br />I also applaud the sentiments expressed in your post and think that we adoptive parents and prospective adoptive parents need to open our eyes and hearts, to look beyond our own (valid!) struggles to the whole, very large, often painful and tragic experience of adoption and realize what a position of power we actually occupy. But I would like to add that it takes help (as from your book and your post) to get out of our little worlds and consider what it's like for birth parents. <br /><br />I have read some firestorms of anger from birth mothers toward all adoptive parents. Of course we are not all greedy monsters, but it may well feel like that, and a birth mother who has had a bad experience (or just the pain that still comes with a good experience) of adoption is entitled to feel how she feels and flame away about it in order to deal with those feelings. <br /><br />Adoptive parents also are entitled to express our pain about our particular struggles with adoption. It's just that because of our position, I think we carry an added responsibility to hold with utmost respect and humility, the experience of the people (birth parents and adoptees) who make parenthood possible for us.Jeaninehttp://adopmyster.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-1714534175721580562010-08-01T23:51:54.112-04:002010-08-01T23:51:54.112-04:00this is such an excellent post, a must read for an...this is such an excellent post, a must read for any prospective adoptive parent. bravo!lunahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15455301696832647867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-415698187499339822010-07-30T13:00:11.694-04:002010-07-30T13:00:11.694-04:00I read a blog recently, just followed a comment on...I read a blog recently, just followed a comment on a blog that kind of concerned me. <br />This waiting mom was talking about the disrupted adoption she had. So I wanted to feel some sympathy for her until I read back and saw what happened. The baby was 2 days old when the birthfather (whom they had a relationship with) decided he couldn't go through with it. She got so angry at him she sent him a nasty text and he threaten to call the police. All because a father decided he wanted to parent. Regardless of what the circumstances are it is their right. <br />Oh, thank you for posting this so I could let this out here, as I don't yet feel safe to let it out on my blog. <br /><br />#4 on your list is a big one I see a lot. <br />Ugh #8 about praying that she give them the baby. I'm always cautious when I comment that I'll be praying for the right decision for the baby and everyone involved. And then I pray for the adoptive couple, that they would realize how much they are not entitled to this baby. <br /><br /><br />I will add though that I've come a long way in our adoption journey. I'm sure I've said some of these things in the beginning of our journey. It took my heart opening up towards birthparents and hearing them, seeing them as people and not just the people that will make me a mom. I'm glad I did and I wish I could help at least one other person start to open their heart and feel the same way, that's why I blog.Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15484607337052505871noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-12012428801610386032010-07-30T11:44:56.330-04:002010-07-30T11:44:56.330-04:00Dear Anonymous-
Everything is in His plan, and by ...Dear Anonymous-<br />Everything is in His plan, and by His grace, I was given the strength and clarity to find an open adoption plan that works for me, my son and his AP's. I am blessed everday to know of his life and that he is loved and cared for in every way possible. that he is desciplined and given structure both in his education and his faith. <br /><br />I am saddened to see that you are of the belief that my son was not made be me. Am I not an ingredient in his DNA? Did I not participate (unwillingly, I might add) in the act of creating him as my body nurished his for 9 months? Did God take the worst situation possible, and make it a positive one by allowing my eyes and heart to be opened to open adoption and to the plan of placement? Did I not CHOOSE to place him in the arms of a couple that I lovingly call friends and parents of my son? Is he not my son and theirs, all at the same time?<br /><br />It requires two people, man and woman to make a baby. God may be a part of their lives, and may have His hand in the choices and situations that allow conception to happen. He may even have His hand on a child and prevent or protect a baby from harm. But He allows for choice in that creation. He allows for choice in that placement and He allows sin, just as He allows faith. While everything is in His plan, there is a decision that we as flesh must make in every moment of our lives. You might check out Genesis 30:30 "Here is Bilhah, my maidservant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children for me and that through her I too can build a family." and notice that even in the Bible is says that he must sleep with her to have a child!~Lhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11135821725987424886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-19402923819397098102010-07-30T09:36:57.587-04:002010-07-30T09:36:57.587-04:00Awesome post Sally, very well said. Yes, somethin...Awesome post Sally, very well said. Yes, something anyone who wants another mother's child should read.<br /><br />Luv,<br />MystMysthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07425550479815459790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-60331585751150701832010-07-30T04:12:47.257-04:002010-07-30T04:12:47.257-04:00awesome!
adoption luvsawesome! <br />adoption luvsbirthMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11479996077788889914noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-19279908819612986142010-07-29T17:33:58.703-04:002010-07-29T17:33:58.703-04:00Great post! Every PAP should read this.Great post! Every PAP should read this.Krishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14934033119198457032noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-52322401040174760612010-07-28T22:58:21.972-04:002010-07-28T22:58:21.972-04:00Excellent post, Sally.
I've been working on ...Excellent post, Sally. <br /><br />I've been working on a post about the "our" language and you beat me to it! I just hear it too often among adoptive parents and it's just not right. "Our birth mother," they say... I never refer to my daughter's birth mother as "my birth mom". She is my daughter's birth mom, not mine. I don't own her.<br /><br /><i>"I'll pray with you for grace and patience. I'll pray with you for peace. I'll pray with you for a birth mother's strength and clarity. And I'll pray with you for everyone's health. <b>Please don't ask people to pray for you to get what you want at the expense of someone else. </b>Is that what you're going to teach your child?"</i><br /><br />'nough said. <b>Thank you!</b>Maruhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03143803281234002484noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-42071920500027140942010-07-28T16:13:17.552-04:002010-07-28T16:13:17.552-04:00Anonymous, if the birth parents don't make the...Anonymous, if the birth parents don't make the child then why will an adopted child look like his/her birthparents? While children do look like the people they grow up with there are biological ties to another family, please don't forget that.<br /><br />For the most part, I agree with Christina, while I believe that God does have a hand in SOME adoptions I don't think he has a woman to get pregnant just to place her child with another family, as if they (the adoptive parents) asked for a cup of sugar and there's no emotional attachment to the baby. If the birthmother genuinely can't take care of her baby, then I believe God will help with the adoption, but not if a child is ripped away from their mother and the mother is forced to relinquish her rights.Beckynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-71581127156816939632010-07-28T15:27:05.890-04:002010-07-28T15:27:05.890-04:00Sorry Anonymous..I don't agree. I don't t...Sorry Anonymous..I don't agree. I don't think God had anything to do with my being adopted. I don't think God wanted for me to be born, just to be given up and then passed off to abusive adoptive parents. I don't buy into the whole, this is God's plan for us to adopt. No, it's YOUR plan for you to adopt.Crickethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16968579258082745674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-31381183462764690652010-07-28T14:09:36.515-04:002010-07-28T14:09:36.515-04:00I agree with almost everything the writer said. I...I agree with almost everything the writer said. I agree about the respect that we as adoptive parents should have for birth parents, I agree with how the negative words should not be used, I agree with everything except that "the birthparents made the child". Anyone with fertility issues should be able to testify that the birth parents do not make the child, if so there would be no fertility issues. God knits the child in the womb. The child is made by God. He placed the child in the birth mother's womb, he used the birth parents as vessels, and that gives them the right to choose to raise the child themselves or choose for another family to do so. Children are a blessing from God, not something that birthparents choose to make. Again, I agree with most of what was written, if this is an effort to "set the record straight", then let's get it REALLY straight.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-54974320769465042272010-07-28T12:36:04.090-04:002010-07-28T12:36:04.090-04:00Amen!Amen!Heatherhttp://www.productionnotreproduction.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-69295240272968877272010-07-28T11:33:19.021-04:002010-07-28T11:33:19.021-04:00I work for Inheritance Adoptions in Texas and this...I work for Inheritance Adoptions in Texas and this article is blazing through the office... it speaks to the things we've seen.<br /><br />I hope you don't mind if we link to it - BrentInheritance Adoptionshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17270975499287672021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-46439326706587041872010-07-28T11:22:17.137-04:002010-07-28T11:22:17.137-04:00Thanks to Christina for sending me the link to thi...Thanks to Christina for sending me the link to this post. I'm looking forward to reading it with my husband this evening.<br /><br />Just like LeMira, we pray A LOT in our family (for our future children and for those who may be parenting them even as I write this)...<br /><br />My husband and I are becoming certified to fost/adopt. Most people think I'm crazy when I tell them that we are praying that there will be some way for us to maintain contact with our child(ren)'s biological family (at least one parent, the grandparents, aunts, someone who might be able to answer questions they may have later in their life...)<br /><br />Your note above (to me) just confirms what I know to be true. The reality is that our children will become a part of our family because their primary caregivers are, at best, unable to care for them (at worst, have harmed them in some way). We are simply being willing to be the safe place, where no safety currently exists. We are choosing to embrace the loss/grief of our children because we believe in redemption and healing and we pray for that for our children *and* for their family of origin. <br /><br />We will always have so much to learn, but we are willing... and praying:)) With your permission, I would like to post a link to this on my blog page entitled "Adoption Resources"... Thank you Sally:)Stacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01536346674513325865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-46740939403555891672010-07-28T08:30:32.552-04:002010-07-28T08:30:32.552-04:00LeMira - Thank you. I appreciate your open mind. W...LeMira - Thank you. I appreciate your open mind. Will keep you in prayer.<br /><br />Kelsey - You know how I feel about you :) Thanks for everything!<br /><br />Pat - Thank you and you're welcome!<br /><br />Angie - Thanks for sharing that special moment. I'm carrying that one with me!<br /><br />Lisa - Thank you. I appreciate the peek into your internal dialogue. I can relate! <br /><br />LO - Thank you! It's sad that so many birth parents and APs/PAPs feel like adversaries.Sally Bacchettahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14765341603688023981noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-59053932411463146702010-07-28T08:13:11.712-04:002010-07-28T08:13:11.712-04:00I love this post..and if it's okay, I've p...I love this post..and if it's okay, I've posted a link to it on my blog.<br /><br />Thanks!Crickethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16968579258082745674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655029441146664180.post-32340600037783541342010-07-27T21:45:58.164-04:002010-07-27T21:45:58.164-04:00As a very appreciative birthmother, all I can say ...As a very appreciative birthmother, all I can say is thank God for adoptive mothers like you! This is truly terrific - and EVERY prospective adoptive parent should read it!!LOhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07400958757080301341noreply@blogger.com