Adoptive Momma of Two (AM2) posted a blog the other day called "What's the Alternative?" I began to post a reply, but my reply ran on, so I decided to post it here instead.
Here is an excerpt of her post.
I can feel the heat coming from this one already. I have no doubt the lurkers and anti adoption commenters will come out after what I am about to write. However, they are the persons who have inspired this post as I have been receiving my share of anti adoption emails lately. In the emails I am generally bombarded with hate and told my children will live a lifetime of suffering because of my acts as an adoptive parent. I am asked questions about how will I deal with issues my children (in their view) will undoubtedly face and (again in their view) the emotional turmoil and conflict they will encounter.
As a general rule, I ignore these emails and comments. I know my position on adoption and I do not feel a need to defend it. I am however curious, what's the alternative?
Here are some of the most common solutions offered by anti adoption movers.
Government and community assistance...
AM2 goes into more detail about each of the alternatives listed above, and I encourage you to read her thoughtful post. The comments AM2 received show that some people agree with her and others don't. No big surprise there.
This is my response to her post:
Thanks for writing this. The reality is that adoption is rooted in loss and there are losses rooted in adoption. Adoption, like any other parenting/family issue is not itself "good", "bad", "inadequate", "dangerous", or "a gift". Adoption itself is simply a way.
Adoption is a way of forming a family, a way of moving on, a way of changing relationships, a way of preserving oneself, a way of making it different... it's just a way. The power to hurt or heal isn't in adoption. It's in HOW we are as adopters, adoptees, and birth families.
It's in how we partner,
how we honor our children and their history,
how we honor our children and their present,
how we stretch ourselves to meet our kids where they are and help them hold their history intact,
how we tend their roots both past and present,
how we celebrate them for who they are, not for who we dreamed they might be,
how we uphold our promises,
how we give, and love, and accept without expectation.
Adoption itself is an event or a process. It's a beginning or an end. It's a choice among many. But it's not a snarling, pouncing, clawing, merciless beast. Nor is it a chaste, haloed, sublime, transcendent divinity. Yes, people are hurt by adoption, and yes, people are healed by adoption. But it's HOW we do adoption that makes the difference in our lives. Which makes adoption fundamentally no different than any other thing that changes who we are.
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