Statistics show that rates of foster care adoption are increasing in the U.S. USA Today recently reported higher rates of foster care adoption in Michigan, Arizona, and Colorado, specifically, and the trend is apparent across the U.S.
Sharen Ford, of Colorado's Department of Human Services is quoted by USA Today: "The pendulum is swinging," adding that the lower cost of foster-care adoptions helped bring about the apparent trend. Ford also tabbed more stringent adoption policies embraced by foreign countries regarding international adoptions as a key factor in the adoption shift.
I'm glad to see this kind of pub for foster care adoption. Many people who are open to adoption don't even consider foster care and foster care adoption, and certainly, it's not for everyone. Kids adopted from foster care are often difficult to place because they are usually older, often special needs, and often in sibling groups, and many of them struggle with attachment and other emotional issues. Most of these kids are far needier than the average domestic newborn.
And the legalities of foster care adoption can be trickier than adopting an infant through a private or agency adoption. Birth mothers often maintain contact and some visitation during a foster care placement. BMs either relinquish their parental rights or have their rights legally revoked in order for a foster care placement to move forward to an adoption, neither of which happens easily.
But the kids in foster care need and deserve loving, stable, supportive families as much as any other kid does. I celebrate any positive attention on foster care adoption, because I think the more people hear about it, the more they want to learn about it, and the more likely it is that foster care adoption will feel "right" for the "right" people.
Sally Bacchetta
The Adoptive Parent
My Google Profile+
Sally Bacchetta's YouTube Channel
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Worth The Wait Boutique
I love sharing cool adoption-related things with you, and Elizabeth and Mike Lowe's
Worth The Wait Boutique is both cool and adoption-related.
In their words: "We designed this boutique for two purposes. One is to highlight items that we found helpful while either waiting or when we brought our son home. Second is to promote and highlight products made by other adoptive parents such as ourselves... 10% of all sales on this site go to an adoption related organization. We had lots of support as we went through our adoption process and this is just one way we feel we can give back."
They've got a great collection of adoption-themed stickers, scrapbooking supplies, clothing, stationery, and a link to their Baby Sweet Pea boutique. Beautiful, adorable... check it out!
Sally Bacchetta
The Adoptive Parent
My Google Profile+
Sally Bacchetta's YouTube Channel
Worth The Wait Boutique is both cool and adoption-related.
In their words: "We designed this boutique for two purposes. One is to highlight items that we found helpful while either waiting or when we brought our son home. Second is to promote and highlight products made by other adoptive parents such as ourselves... 10% of all sales on this site go to an adoption related organization. We had lots of support as we went through our adoption process and this is just one way we feel we can give back."
They've got a great collection of adoption-themed stickers, scrapbooking supplies, clothing, stationery, and a link to their Baby Sweet Pea boutique. Beautiful, adorable... check it out!
Sally Bacchetta
The Adoptive Parent
My Google Profile+
Sally Bacchetta's YouTube Channel
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Birth Mothers Rock
I just had one of my favorite discussions about adoption. It's the one that usually starts something like, "What about the... mother?"
I smile sweetly and say, "I am the mother. Are you asking about the birth mother?"
And inevitably they are. Inevitably they're asking, "What's her story? How can she give her baby away? Why doesn't she want it? Is she on drugs? If she didn't want a child why did she let herself get pregnant? What's wrong with her?"
I don't mind those questions. Well, I've gotten used to them, anyway, and I believe that most people ask out of concern... concern for the baby, concern for my family, concern driven by the media's sensationalized presentation of the occasional adoption-gone-wrong.
But still, I'm working for the day when "What about the (birth) mother?" means "How is she doing? Did she have any medical complications? Is she with her family or the birth father? Does she have a post-adoption support system in place? Is she at peace with her decision? Is she OK?"
That would be awesome. Because birth mothers are as much mothers as any other women who have delivered children. Birth mothers get pregnant and share their bodies to give life the same way other women do.
Some birth mothers smoke during pregnancy and some don't.
Some birth mothers do drugs and some don't.
Some birth mothers have multiple partners and some don't.
Some birth mothers use contraception and some don't.
Some birth mothers receive regular pre-natal care and some don't.
Some birth mothers text while driving and some don't.
Some birth mothers get heartburn and hemorrhoids and morning sickness and gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia and migraines and some don't.
But all birth mothers love their babies.
All birth mothers love the life within them enough to publicly admit their own shortcomings.
All birth mothers risk shame, judgement, grief, loss, misunderstanding, and physical pain to carry a child for someone else.
All birth mothers deserve respect for choosing to give life when it is clearly not the easy choice.
I sometimes wonder what I would have done if I had gotten pregnant as a teen or unmarried young woman. I wasn't ready to be a mother, and I like to think I would have had the courage and selflessness to make an adoption plan for my baby, but I'm not sure. I'm not at all sure.
So, what about "the mother"? I've jumped right back into the routine of parenting an infant. I'm high on the blessings of two fantastic kids, and with my husband's help (he's fantastic, too) I'm slowly catching up on my sleep.
As for the birth mother, she's healthy, certain, and loved by her family and friends. She's moving forward, and she's very OK.
Thanks for asking.
Sally Bacchetta
The Adoptive Parent
My Google Profile+
Sally Bacchetta's YouTube Channel
I smile sweetly and say, "I am the mother. Are you asking about the birth mother?"
And inevitably they are. Inevitably they're asking, "What's her story? How can she give her baby away? Why doesn't she want it? Is she on drugs? If she didn't want a child why did she let herself get pregnant? What's wrong with her?"
I don't mind those questions. Well, I've gotten used to them, anyway, and I believe that most people ask out of concern... concern for the baby, concern for my family, concern driven by the media's sensationalized presentation of the occasional adoption-gone-wrong.
But still, I'm working for the day when "What about the (birth) mother?" means "How is she doing? Did she have any medical complications? Is she with her family or the birth father? Does she have a post-adoption support system in place? Is she at peace with her decision? Is she OK?"
That would be awesome. Because birth mothers are as much mothers as any other women who have delivered children. Birth mothers get pregnant and share their bodies to give life the same way other women do.
Some birth mothers smoke during pregnancy and some don't.
Some birth mothers do drugs and some don't.
Some birth mothers have multiple partners and some don't.
Some birth mothers use contraception and some don't.
Some birth mothers receive regular pre-natal care and some don't.
Some birth mothers text while driving and some don't.
Some birth mothers get heartburn and hemorrhoids and morning sickness and gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia and migraines and some don't.
But all birth mothers love their babies.
All birth mothers love the life within them enough to publicly admit their own shortcomings.
All birth mothers risk shame, judgement, grief, loss, misunderstanding, and physical pain to carry a child for someone else.
All birth mothers deserve respect for choosing to give life when it is clearly not the easy choice.
I sometimes wonder what I would have done if I had gotten pregnant as a teen or unmarried young woman. I wasn't ready to be a mother, and I like to think I would have had the courage and selflessness to make an adoption plan for my baby, but I'm not sure. I'm not at all sure.
So, what about "the mother"? I've jumped right back into the routine of parenting an infant. I'm high on the blessings of two fantastic kids, and with my husband's help (he's fantastic, too) I'm slowly catching up on my sleep.
As for the birth mother, she's healthy, certain, and loved by her family and friends. She's moving forward, and she's very OK.
Thanks for asking.
Sally Bacchetta
The Adoptive Parent
My Google Profile+
Sally Bacchetta's YouTube Channel
Friday, March 20, 2009
How To Jump Start Your Adoption
Oversleep and run late all day.
Skip your morning shower.
Skip breakfast.
Leave your family's dirty breakfast dishes in the sink.
Put more on your daily To Do list than you can possibly accomplish in a month of Sundays. Cram a few more in the margins of the paper.
Land a great new client and take on a massive writing assignment with an impossible deadline and zero margin of error.
Begin spring cleaning - empty every closet and most of the drawers in the house. Sort everything into piles. Distribute piles between the kitchen, the family room, the dining room, the laundry room, the playroom, and your bedroom. Add "finish piles" to your To Do list.
Spend an hour and a half making a complex, multi-pan dinner. Watch your family eat it in 7 minutes.
Start to wash the dinner dishes, muttering to yourself about your schedule, your fatigue, your missed shower, and the breakfast dishes you had forgotten.
Hear the phone ring. Say you can't answer it because your hands are soapy.
Hear it ring again. Shout that you can't answer the phone with wet hands.
Hear it ring again. Stomp across the kitchen dripping soap and water and wondering where your husband went and why he doesn't hear the phone.
Hear the caller answer your prayers. "A birth mother has chosen you." And suddenly the only thing you need to do is not on your To Do list.
Go meet your baby.
Sally Bacchetta
The Adoptive Parent
My Google Profile+
Sally Bacchetta's YouTube Channel
Skip your morning shower.
Skip breakfast.
Leave your family's dirty breakfast dishes in the sink.
Put more on your daily To Do list than you can possibly accomplish in a month of Sundays. Cram a few more in the margins of the paper.
Land a great new client and take on a massive writing assignment with an impossible deadline and zero margin of error.
Begin spring cleaning - empty every closet and most of the drawers in the house. Sort everything into piles. Distribute piles between the kitchen, the family room, the dining room, the laundry room, the playroom, and your bedroom. Add "finish piles" to your To Do list.
Spend an hour and a half making a complex, multi-pan dinner. Watch your family eat it in 7 minutes.
Start to wash the dinner dishes, muttering to yourself about your schedule, your fatigue, your missed shower, and the breakfast dishes you had forgotten.
Hear the phone ring. Say you can't answer it because your hands are soapy.
Hear it ring again. Shout that you can't answer the phone with wet hands.
Hear it ring again. Stomp across the kitchen dripping soap and water and wondering where your husband went and why he doesn't hear the phone.
Hear the caller answer your prayers. "A birth mother has chosen you." And suddenly the only thing you need to do is not on your To Do list.
Go meet your baby.
Sally Bacchetta
The Adoptive Parent
My Google Profile+
Sally Bacchetta's YouTube Channel
Friday, March 13, 2009
He's He-re!
Tuesday night, March 10th, we finally got The Call. A birth mother had chosen us to adopt her baby, and if we were willing to make a leap of faith and drive across the state, she'd like to meet us as soon as possible. And oh, by the way, she's been induced and is hoping we can make it in time for the delivery. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????? Hmm... let me think about that for about .0000003 second!
Long story short, our son was born in the wee hours of Wed. March 11th. We were there in time and we held him immediately after.
We were doubly blessed to be able to spend a few days in the hospital with our son's birth mother and both of her parents. By the time we headed home we all felt like family.
Our daughter's reaction added uber-coolness to the whole experience. She was (and still is) beside herself with joy and pride at being a big sister. She was like a little carnival barker her first day back at school. "Who else would like a turn to meet my new baby brother?" She wore her "I'm a Big Sister" t-shirt to school three times that week. My motherly instinct (you can't wear the same shirt to school three days in a row!) didn't stand a chance against her beaming smile. Besides, every time I look at her in that shirt I break out in tears. She's waited a long time for a sibling, and on top of that, it was our son's birth mother who bought that shirt for our daughter in the hospital gift shop. She bought him his first teddy bear and said she didn't want to give a gift to him without giving something to his sister, too.
Yeah, I'm crying again. There is a post-partum component to adoption that no one tells you about! :)
Sally Bacchetta
The Adoptive Parent
My Google Profile+
Sally Bacchetta's YouTube Channel
Long story short, our son was born in the wee hours of Wed. March 11th. We were there in time and we held him immediately after.
We were doubly blessed to be able to spend a few days in the hospital with our son's birth mother and both of her parents. By the time we headed home we all felt like family.
Our daughter's reaction added uber-coolness to the whole experience. She was (and still is) beside herself with joy and pride at being a big sister. She was like a little carnival barker her first day back at school. "Who else would like a turn to meet my new baby brother?" She wore her "I'm a Big Sister" t-shirt to school three times that week. My motherly instinct (you can't wear the same shirt to school three days in a row!) didn't stand a chance against her beaming smile. Besides, every time I look at her in that shirt I break out in tears. She's waited a long time for a sibling, and on top of that, it was our son's birth mother who bought that shirt for our daughter in the hospital gift shop. She bought him his first teddy bear and said she didn't want to give a gift to him without giving something to his sister, too.
Yeah, I'm crying again. There is a post-partum component to adoption that no one tells you about! :)
Sally Bacchetta
The Adoptive Parent
My Google Profile+
Sally Bacchetta's YouTube Channel
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Adoption Financial Assistance
Economic instability affects adoption in at least two significant ways: more babies and children are placed for adoption, and prospective adoptive parents are more challenged by the financial burden of adoption.
Domestic adoption in the U.S. typically costs anywhere from $12,00 to $20,000 (more, in some cases), depending on medical, legal, agency, and travel expenses. International adoption may cost more or less, depending on similar variables. And as any parent knows, that's just the beginning!
Help Us Adopt is a national non-profit 501 (c)3 financial assistance grant program that will provide qualified couples and individuals (regardless of race, religion, marital status or sexual preference) with grants of up to $15,000 towards their adoption expenses. You can review their FAQs and download a grant application from the website.
The Financial Aspect of Adoption is an article on Suite 101.com that offers a variety of strategies for funding your adoption.
Please let me know of other resources you've found helpful. I'll be happy to post them here.
Sally Bacchetta
The Adoptive Parent
My Google Profile+
Sally Bacchetta's YouTube Channel
Domestic adoption in the U.S. typically costs anywhere from $12,00 to $20,000 (more, in some cases), depending on medical, legal, agency, and travel expenses. International adoption may cost more or less, depending on similar variables. And as any parent knows, that's just the beginning!
Help Us Adopt is a national non-profit 501 (c)3 financial assistance grant program that will provide qualified couples and individuals (regardless of race, religion, marital status or sexual preference) with grants of up to $15,000 towards their adoption expenses. You can review their FAQs and download a grant application from the website.
The Financial Aspect of Adoption is an article on Suite 101.com that offers a variety of strategies for funding your adoption.
Please let me know of other resources you've found helpful. I'll be happy to post them here.
Sally Bacchetta
The Adoptive Parent
My Google Profile+
Sally Bacchetta's YouTube Channel
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Parenthood for Me
Today I'm grateful for waiting. Yes, I'm actually grateful that adopting is a slow process, because it takes time for people to find each other.
I'm not talking about birth parents and adoptive families finding each other, I'm talking about the people who have come into my life because I'm "out there" waiting for an adoption, the people who find me leafing through the adoption books at the bookstore, the people who email me at 3:22 a.m. to say "I just found your blog and website, and for the first time in a long time, I have hope. I believe again. Thank you." And people like Erica.
Erica and her husband (AJ) are adoptive parents and the founders of Parenthood for Me, Inc. a not for profit corporation established to "ease some of the burden bestowed on people who desperately want to be parents."
Erica and AJ invested time, money, and hope in ART (assisted reproductive technology) before pursuing international adoption. In the end, their journey was a rousing success! It brought them together with their son and forged their committment to help other people build the families of their dreams.
Today I joined the Board of Directors of Parenthood for Me, Inc. I'm excited and grateful for the opportunity to work in tandem with Erica and AJ. I look forward to helping more people find their own reasons to be grateful for waiting.
Maybe you... :)
Sally Bacchetta - Freelance Writer
Freelance Writer
Parenting
Motherhood
I'm not talking about birth parents and adoptive families finding each other, I'm talking about the people who have come into my life because I'm "out there" waiting for an adoption, the people who find me leafing through the adoption books at the bookstore, the people who email me at 3:22 a.m. to say "I just found your blog and website, and for the first time in a long time, I have hope. I believe again. Thank you." And people like Erica.
Erica and her husband (AJ) are adoptive parents and the founders of Parenthood for Me, Inc. a not for profit corporation established to "ease some of the burden bestowed on people who desperately want to be parents."
Erica and AJ invested time, money, and hope in ART (assisted reproductive technology) before pursuing international adoption. In the end, their journey was a rousing success! It brought them together with their son and forged their committment to help other people build the families of their dreams.
Today I joined the Board of Directors of Parenthood for Me, Inc. I'm excited and grateful for the opportunity to work in tandem with Erica and AJ. I look forward to helping more people find their own reasons to be grateful for waiting.
Maybe you... :)
Sally Bacchetta - Freelance Writer
Freelance Writer
Parenting
Motherhood
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