Saturday, December 29, 2012

13 "Scary" (for me) Adoption Bloggers I Love

2012 has been a difficult year for me with regard to adoption. I have felt a lot like my almost-eight year-old, whose assessment of the world changes all the time and seems to depend mostly on what kind of day she’s having. I am almost eight years-old as a parent  – adoptive parenting, specifically – and my understanding and experience of adoption changes all the time, sometimes depending on what kind of day I’m having and sometimes depending on what kind of day someone else is having.  

Citizens of Adoptoland often talk about their Truth. This year I struggled to recognize mine. Not the core, but all the rest of it that surrounds the core and colors my days. I struggled with this because Truth doesn’t live in a vacuum; it lives in context, and in this case, the context is Adoptoland, where the terrain is well defined. Where the (battle) lines are so clearly drawn, the teams so fervently distinct, and the opinions so passionately defended that it seems nearly impossible to accept one Truth without rejecting another, to support someone without injuring someone else. To embrace my Truth without denying someone else’s.

I lost my Truth because I forgot I never had one to begin with. Not one. My Truth is many. And the many often don’t get along and they almost never make sense together. My Truth is disorderly, disjointed, and disharmonious. That’s just how it is.

I am an adoptive parent doing my best and finding my way.

I love my children. I love their first families.

I read things about adoption that I don’t understand and can’t relate to; I read things that make me want to turn away; I read things that haunt me, things that make me laugh, things that give me hope.

I sometimes write things other people don’t understand and can’t relate to. I sometimes write things that make people angry or defensive or relieved.

Some days I hate adoption and wish it would go away. Some days I don’t.

That is MyTruth.

One of my 2013 resolutions is to highlight 13 of the people whose Truth challenges me, for theirs are the voices that shake and unsettle me, and their Truths help shape my own. I'm calling it 13 "Scary" (for me) Adoption Bloggers I Love, not because they themselves are "scary," but because I am sometimes scared by their Truth. (If you plan to make a big hairy deal of how I titled this post, please spare me. This is my Truth. Remember?)

Since I’m aiming to do one a month and there are only 12 months in a year, I’m starting a few days early with Claudia. Claudia writes often and shares her truth plainly. She and I came to adoption from different places, and I am scared spitless by some of her posts and deeply hurt by others. I also have a deeper appreciation for Claudia  and her Truth than I expect anyone to understand.

Claudia’s blog is Musings of the Lame.
I especially hope you will read her REAL Truth About Adoption Campaign
and 29Things I Wish I Knew Before Adoption Entered My Life  posts. I would like to know how you are affected by her words.

Best wishes for all of us in 2013!

Sally Bacchetta
The Adoptive Parent
My Google Profile+


Stone Fence Farm said...

Ouch! I can feel Claudia's hurt coming off the computer screen.

Amanda said...

<3 Claud!

Myst said...

Claus rocks, I love her blog!

Dawnmarie's Life said...

I just found your blog. As a new AP, I find Claudia's truth hard to hear. But I regularly go to read it because I think it's beneficial for me to hear. I'm looking forward to seeing the rest of your 13.

Anonymous said...

Can't wait to see more on the list. I agree win you -"my truths are many" too.

Anonymous said...

i think most people have the same deeply mixed feelings on adoption. you're not alone.

by Jennifer said...

Adoption writing requires multiple authorship. There cannot be one voice, one point of view in anything, but it is so crucial to give voice to the "scary" dimensions of adoption. Thanks for deciding to do that.

Karen Ross said...

Hey claudia, first off my condolence for your loss. Child adoption is a noble thing people do. It is not only for those who lost their child but it is for those also who want a child to subside their loneliness too. But always remember that the adoption brings lots of responsibilities with it.

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ad-opt-ed said...

I've read a few posts and I really like your blog!
I am an adoptee myself and trying to start my own blog for therapeutic and other reasons.

Not many people are able to say that adoption is about more than one voice, myself included. It's so important to note that though, since there are so many parties involved in an adoption and so many emotions.

June Bug said...

As always, Sally, your post really resonates with me. I'm exactly where you are. Many times I feel like a hypocrite as an adoptive parent and the way I feel about adoption. Sigh. . .I'm looking forward to your posts.

Claudia Corrigan D'Arcy said...

Thank you.

I do greatly appreciate your sharing my truths. Made me think of an older post that I wrote that discusses how all our voices must be woven together:

Best, Claud~

Melissa Horak said...

I am majoring in child, adolescent and family mental health and we are currently delving into the world of adoption. I think your resolution to share adoption blogs that share some real home truths to those looking to adopt or who have adopted is a fantastic idea. I recently have been researching trans-racial adoption and this is a very difficult yet rewarding thing to do. It also is shown to be quite popular among celebrities yet I don’t think the media is painting the full picture. I just read a fantastic memoir by author Catana Tully entitled, “Split at the Root” derived from the author’s own personal experience of being adopted into a family of a different race and culture. This book not only highlights important issues for those who have or plan to adopt a child of a different race and/or culture but it also offers a compelling story about a young woman who spends most of her life searching for answers about her past, her identity, and where she belongs. I recommend it to anyone who is looking to adopt or perhaps to those of you who are already on this journey :) It’s insightful and well written. The author also has a very informative blog- her most recent post talking about eating disorders amongst adopted children. I think she may be an author and a blogger that you may want to check out! Looking forward to your future recommendations!

Anonymous said...

Thanks saily bacetta.I always enjoy to read your post. Keep your informative posting.
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Anonymous said...

It was Claudia's blog that I first came across when I started searching online for another mother who had lost a child to adoption and wasn't entrenched in the dominant cultural discourse of what adoption "should be" but what adoption actually is from a plurality of views. I am so grateful for her strong, steady voice - it served as a lighthouse as I made my way out of the adoption anesthesia over the past years.

Thank you for highlighting her blog here - she has many important things to teach the world.

~ Melynda