We recently received our first invitation to a Birthmother's Day celebration on May 10th, the day before Mother's Day, and it's given me a lot to think about.
Would our daughter's birthmother like to be honored on a day set aside for birthmothers, or would she rather be recognized on Mother's Day? Does she think of herself as a mother?
I think about her a lot on Mother's Day. Mother's Day of 2006 was the "first" for both of us. Was she sad that she didn't have a child in her life, or happy that she gave her child a better life?
I found this article - Birthmother's Day Created Out Of Love...? - written by a birthmother. I was surprised to read about her pain and grief, because my only experience with a birthmother has been with our daughter's, and in her own words, she felt very happy, blessed, and relieved to partner with us for an adoption. I suppose that birth motherhood is different for every woman, as motherhood is.
If you decide to celebrate Birthmother's Day, I recommend HeartMark Designs. They sell cards for adoption-related occasions including Birthmom's day, cards for a birthmom to give her child's adoptive Mom, cards for birthmom's on their birth child's birthday, thinking of you cards, and more! All of their cards were designed and written by birthmothers.
What are your thoughts on Birth Mother's Day?
Sally Bacchetta
The Adoptive Parent
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4 comments:
I'm not sure I understand why year after year one would be recognized for giving birth. It's one thing to celebrate year after year for parenting a child, but another for gestating and such. Wait, don't get critical just yet! I have a high amount of respect for women who put their children up for adoption. It has to be one of the most difficult things a woman can do. I'm just not so sure I would want to receive a card in the mail every year honoring it. Wouldn't it feel more like repeatedly ripping off a bandaide?
However, I'm more of a why do we need a Hallmark designated day to honor your mom kind of person. We should be doing that often anyway.
I think it's a lovely idea. Then again, I am of the generations of adoptees who aren't even allowed to know who to send the card to.
Mother's Day, 2007, was what finally spurred me to search for my birthmother. I decided that one way or another, I would get a message to her that she shouldn't worry or feel guilty. I went to a loving couple, had an idyllic childhood, and bear no resentment or anger for her.
Lisa Kay
b. 1/21/63 Gainesville, Florida
ISO bMother - Sandra Strickland
I agree with both teamwinks and lisakay. It seems like a nice thing to do to pause and "honor" the woman who helped you make your family but on the other hand once you place your child for adoption your no longer that child's mother. Isn't that the point of adoption? Maybe it would be better to celebrate birthmother's day in November during national adoption month separate from Mother's Day.
In searching for a card to celebrate "Birthmother's Day", I came across this post.
I am both a birthmother and an adoptive mother. I placed a baby 12 years ago and after 4 years of infertility treatments, God brought us to adopt a beautiful baby boy just 6 weeks ago.
I have mixed emotions about Birthmother's Day. I understand the argument that it should not be differentiated and should be acknowledged the same, as Mother's Day. But, the reality is that birthmothers are rarely celebrated on Mother's Day. It has been the most painful day of my life for many years. When the moms are asked to stand in church and be recognized, do I do it? I know I am a mother, but do others consider me one? However, not many people know about Birthmother's Day, so I wasn't celebrated then either.
As I approach this holiday this year, I am thrilled to finally get to proudly stand and claim motherhood. Yet, my heart is hurting for our birthmom. I don't know which day she wants to be celebrated on, so I am torn. But, I think that I will celebrate both. Birthmother's Day, to honor her and the decision that she made and Mother's Day because it was her decision that made me a mom.
TeamWinks, if you are still read this.. please let me assure you that getting a card in the mail is not ripping off any kind of bandaid. But, I can assure you that not getting acknowledged for the life that you chose to bring into the world despite against all odds, most certainly is.
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