What New Moms Really Want

Since Precious Bundle #2 is taking her or his sweet time (read FOREVER!) I've had a lot of time to reflect on those first chaotic days... weeks (OK, months) of instant parenthood, and I've come up with a list of gifts for new adoptive moms.

These are all things I either received or found myself wishing for after bringing our daughter home. I guess they'd be good for any new mother, but they're particularly helpful for adoptive moms, who never know when they're going to be plucked from their routine and dropped into the giddy insanity of parenthood.

Gifts for the New (Adoptive) Mother

A catheter. Seriously. Before you roll your eyes and think "Here goes another mother martyr trip. Poor me, I don't even have time to go to the bathroom", consider how difficult it is to use a public bathroom with an infant in tow. You can't put the baby down anywhere - too dirty - so you hold the baby, leaving you with only one hand free to dispense and position the paper seat cover. When it slips off the toilet seat (the first one always does), you reach down to grab it before it hits the floor, which leaves the baby dangling upside down from your arm, and you quickly realize how much they hate that.

When you finally manage to get a seat cover to stay put you have to figure out how to get the t.p. with one hand. This should be easy, since the t.p. is perforated between the sheets, and the dispenser has that nice toothy edge to tear against. Yeah, right! I swear those perforations are just sketched on, and that toothy edge is about as sharp as a raindrop. One time I tried to hold Baby's head under my chin and make a quick grab-and-tear with two hands, but she wiggled and I had to drop the paper and grab her before she slid off onto the disgusting floor.

I've got some other ideas for how to handle the automatic flush, washing your hands, and opening the door, but we've spent enough time in the public bathroom for now.

Home visit hair cut. I think my daughter was well over a year old before I got my hair cut. No time, no baby sitter, no way I was going to take her into a salon full of hairspray and chemicals... I would have paid double for someone to come to my house and cut my hair.

Hair bands, hair clips, and barrettes. See above. These, carefully arranged, can get you through a trip to the post office or the bank.

Drive-through gift cards. Fresh hot coffee for me, and a nice leisurely nap-inducing drive for Baby. It's like a mini-vacation.

Olay Daily Facial Express Wipes. I fell in love with these! Some days it was the closest I came to a shower. At least my face felt rejuvenated!

Nice house clothes. I have to admit, before I became a mom I never understood the allure of sweatpants, leggings, and oversized shirts. My husband still doesn't. I often wished I had something that looked better and wore as well.

Chocolate. Because it's chocolate.

Gift card for a car detail service. I was amazed at how fast my car became littered with wipes, tissues, spilled milk, hair bands, empty Purell bottles, etc. If you can find a service that makes house call, so much the better!

Zip-loc bags. I used these for everything, and still do. Great for stowing a dirty diaper or spit up clothes until you get home, or for holding small portions of formula, cotton balls, cheerios, chocolate, etc. If you're handy, you can even fashion an emergency catheter out of one! It's surprisingly easy to wash the bags in a sink of soapy water, then let them dry overnight and use them again. And again and again.

I'd love to hear your ideas for new mom gifts. I'm working on a list for new dads, too, so I hope you'll share!

Sally Bacchetta
The Adoptive Parent
My Google Profile+
Sally Bacchetta's YouTube Channel

New Adoptive Parent Website

I'm excited to announce the launch of my latest website, a resource for adoptive parents. It's called The Adoptive Parent, and I hope you'll join me there for articles about adoption and parenting, helpful hints for navigating the adoption journey, and a sneak peek at my "literary pregnancy" - my first book about adoptive parenting.

As always, I look forward to hearing from you. You are all part of my experience!

Sally Bacchetta
The Adoptive Parent
My Google Profile+
Sally Bacchetta's YouTube Channel

Adoption Nativity

Last night Miss Little One disappeared shortly before bedtime. She's mastered the art of making herself scarce around that time every night, so I didn't think much of it, until I noticed the shepherd, the infant Jesus, and a donkey missing from the nativity.

I found Miss Little One in her room and she informed me (with an unmistakable tone of authority) that she couldn't go to bed just yet. "I'm very busy adopting them."

What does it mean to adopt them, Sweetheart?

"It means they grew for me in another mother's tummy so I can be their mother. And Daddy and I love them bigger than the moon."

I let her stay up way past bedtime. Wouldn't you?

Sally Bacchetta
The Adoptive Parent
My Google Profile+
Sally Bacchetta's YouTube Channel

Adopting Snowflakes

People often ask if waiting for our second child is easier than waiting for our first. Absolutely. And no way. It's just different.

I had no frame of reference the first time. I knew I wanted a child, but the want was a general feeling of wanting to grow my family. I wanted a baby to hold, a toddler to play with, a child to teach about faith and integrity.

Now I know the intimacy and intricacy I was missing. Now I know that I want a baby with spring-loaded fingers and translucent eyelids. I want chub-a-licious drumstick thighs and a sweet-smelling head. Now I know that I want a toddler to pee all over the bathroom and mop it up with my pillow and proudly announce "It's OK, Mama. I cweaned it all by myself!" Now I know that I want a child to say "Even when I'm upset, Mama, I always love you."

Now I know what I was missing, and that makes the second wait more painful. At the same time, it's much, much easier waiting for my second child, because I have been blessed with my first. By turns captivating, aggravating, inspiring, and tiring, she will always be My First.

Every adoption experience is different. Every one is unique and beautiful in its way. Just like snowflakes.

Sally Bacchetta
The Adoptive Parent
My Google Profile+
Sally Bacchetta's YouTube Channel

Adoption Frame of Mind

Last night my daughter heard me talking on the phone to a friend, Lindsey.
"Who was that, Mama? Lindsey?"
Yes, it was Lindsey.
"Who's Lindsey?"
You know her as Mrs. Carr. She's Abby mother.
"Lindsey is Abby's mother?"
Yes.
(thoughtful frown) "Who's Abby's birth mother?"
Lindsey is her birth mother. Abby came out of her tummy.
(another thoughtful frown) "Do you mean Abby's birth mother and her mother is only one person? It's both Lindsey?"
Yes, Babe.
"Oh, that makes me so sad for Abby. She only has one. Poor Abby!"

Sally Bacchetta
The Adoptive Parent
My Google Profile+
Sally Bacchetta's YouTube Channel
Parenting
Motherhood

"You Can't Imagine Me!"

One of my favorite things about three year-olds is their absolute conviction when using words incorrectly. A recent example is when my daughter - whose paint-the-refrigerator-door-with-ketchup plan I thwarted - planted her hands on her hips and shouted, "You can't imagine me!" and stomped out of the room.

She has no idea how right she is. All the time I dreamed of a child, all the waiting and anticipating, as often as I pictured myself in moments with our child... none of it even comes close to the reality of her.

Sally Bacchetta
The Adoptive Parent
My Google Profile+
Sally Bacchetta's YouTube Channel
Parenting
Motherhood

Adoption: Tell Me The Story...

Mama, can you tell me about when God was ready to make me and he knew your body couldn't make a baby, so he put a little tiny Erin seed into Meghan's belly and I grew and grew in Meghan's belly until I was ready to be born and then when I was big enough the doctor helped Meghan push me out, and then she held me and kissed me on my head and named me Erin and told the nurse to call Sally and Dennis and tell them their baby girl is ready? And you and Daddy drove fast and carefully to the hospital with your social worker Barb, and you waited and waited in the room and then suddenly the nurse came in pushing a cart with something in it... and you looked and looked but you only saw blankets and a little bit of brown hair? And then she picked me up and put me in your arms and you cried happy tears and said, "Oh, my baby girl, my baby girl. I'm your Mama and I will always love you" and then Daddy held me and he smiled and smiled at me and said, "I'm your Daddy, and I will always keep you safe." And then you changed my diaper and you were surprised that someone so sweet could smell so stinky? And then you and Daddy tucked me into the car seat with two blankets and a tiny baby hat and you drove all the way home but you stopped at Grandma's on the way and Grandma said, "Whose baby is that? Are you babysitting?" and you and Daddy said, "No, this is our baby Erin. We're adopting her." And Grandma screamed and held me and said, "Oh, what a beautiful girl, beautiful girl. God bless her." And then my cousin Mike was there and he said, "Where did that come from?" and everybody laughed! Except I didn't laugh because I was just a baby so I just kept sleeping. And then when I was bigger Daddy showed me how to hold my bottle by myself. Can you tell me that story, Mama?

Sally Bacchetta
The Adoptive Parent
My Google Profile+
Sally Bacchetta's YouTube Channel
Parenting
Motherhood