A few weeks ago I was interviewed by Kim Iverson, nationally-syndicated host of "Your Time With Kim Iverson", about my book & my perspective on adoptees reuniting with their bio families.
As I told Kim, I encourage APs to "let the child lead", whether the adoptee is a child or an adult or something in between. We must realize that our childrens' search and reunion isn't about us; it's about THEM and THEIR roots. Whether it goes fabulously or is a colossal crash & burn, it's the adoptee's journey to take. Or not take. It should be up to them and no one else. Our role is to lovingly support them as we would through any other journey in their lives.
I don't understand why so many APs are threatened by their child's desire to search. You adopted a child. By definition, your child has history that precedes you. By definition, your child is forever linked to people other than you, a culture other than yours, ancestors that are not yours. I simply don't understand why some APs want to believe that their child's life began with them. It didn't. If you're not OK with that, you're essentially rejecting your child's earliest Self.
What do you think?
The interview aired January 28, 2011 on Entercom radio stations nationwide. Visit "Your Time With Kim Iverson" or "The Adoptive Parent" to listen to the interview.
Many thanks to Kim for giving me the opportunity to talk about this. It's really important.
Click here to purchase Sally's adoption book, What I Want My Adopted Child to Know: An Adoptive Parent's Perspective, in softcover, hardcover, or e-book formats.
Sally Bacchetta
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5 comments:
I applaude your post Sally. My mother still can't admit that she has a problem with my birth family merely even existing! I'm 34 and in reunion since 1999. Sheesh!
Beautiful post Sally.
Things are much better now between us, but the expectation given to my APs (and the law promotes this) is that my original family would cease to exist.
I happened to disagree :-)
Thanks, Sally, I appreciate this.
It (reunion) is about the adoptee and their first family, and no one else.
I have been in reunion for 24 years now, and my ap's are still angry and threatened by it.
Unfortunately, they are now trying to make my children feel guilty about having relationships with their family, MY first family. It's horrible.
Totally agree, those who are insecure and can't accept that adoptees have a life prior to them and will have after them particularly in reunion,should not be adopters.It causes so many extra problems and difficulties as you clearly understand.
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