Monday, March 19, 2018

10 Reasons Adoptive Parents Shouldn't Change Their Child's Name

I'm unsettled when adoptive parents change their child's name from their originally given name. So much is unknown; so much is unrecoverable. Can't you let that remain intact?

For my kiddos, here are 10 reasons why your father and I didn't do it (and never would).
1. It's your name.
2. It's one of the first things that was given to you.
3. It's not ours to take away.
4. It may have been spoken to you in the womb. It may have been one of the first words you ever heard.
5. It was specifically chosen. For you. It was chosen for a reason, and even if you or I don't know the reason, the reason exists.
6. It's a connection to your roots. Maybe you were named after a relative. Maybe after a character in a book or a teacher or a childhood friend. Maybe you'll never know, but it's a connection.
7. It's what your first mother calls you when she thinks about you.
8. It's what your first father calls you when he thinks about you.
9. It tells you something about your first parents. It reveals something about their culture, their tastes, their sense of humor, the music they listened to... something.
10. When/if you reunite, I want your first mother/father to know that we didn't erase them.

Click here to purchase Sally's , What I Want My Adopted Child to Know: An Adoptive Parent's Perspective, in softcover, hardcover, or e-book formats.


Anonymous said...

My A parents changed my first and middle name. When I was a kid and we played pretend games I always used my old name as my character. I felt like a different person who was more interesting or exotic than myself. I used to wonder and sometimes still do how my personality would be different if Ingrewnup with my original name. Great post.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Sally. I lost so much and will never get it back. It may seem like not a big deal, but it really is. Allison (originally Catherine)

Sally Bacchetta said...

Anonymous - Thanks for sharing your experience. I appreciate it.

Anonymous said...

Allison (Catherine) - Thanks for joining. I'm sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad to see you're back, Sally. I understand what you're saying but we felt it was important to change our daughter's name. We're her parents - by adoption but her parents nonetheless. Changing her name was a way to confirm that she's part of our family and it created a connection with us that was new. We would never "erase" her birth parents or her history, but we're a legitimate family and we have our own special bond. John

Myst said...

Great to see you blogging again Sally.

It is so important not to change a child's name. Children are not puppies or toys, but people with their own identities and they are losing so much already. It shouldn't be legal to take a child's name from them. One doesn't need to erase their identity to help them feel they belong. Thank you for understanding and getting this, Sally xxx

Sally Bacchetta said...

{Myst} it’s great to hear your voice again! “One doesn’t need to erase their identity to help them feel they belong.” Exactly! Belonging means the whole of a person belongs. Their past is part of them.

Sally Bacchetta said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Why don't you stupid adopters give money to single mothers so they can keep their child, or stop supporting destroying their self-esteem to give you their kid so all of you don't go screw up another human being by making them be adopted. Adoption is a disease that is given to children not one they are born with. You self-pityers literally make kids sick-adoption corrodes the mind, soul heart and spirit and it is totally anti-Christian. Stealing a title like mom or dad that was never meant to be yours is a sin you know. Maybe you should concentrate on THAT aspect of names in your next post.

Anonymous said...

And P.S.-there's no such thing as a "first" mother. Every person on earth has only ONE mother and guess what? They ain't any of you.

Anonymous said...

John-You are a selfish identity stealing POS and you should be in jail with the rest of the kleptomaniac adopters who take everything away from adoptees without our permission. The arrogance of you people just blows my mind. Adoption should be illegal like shoplifting is and all infertile people should be legally forced to get therapy to accept their deformation,not be allowed to take it out on innocent kids whose primal need is to be with their real and only mother and father. I swear there is a special little place in hell for everyone who adopts and I can't wait until all you immature, self-absorbed narcissists get there.