For my kiddos, here are 10 reasons why your father and I didn't do it (and never would).
1. It's your name.
2. It's one of the first things that was given to you.
3. It's not ours to take away.
4. It may have been spoken to you in the womb. It may have been one of the first words you ever heard.
5. It was specifically chosen. For you. It was chosen for a reason, and even if you or I don't know the reason, the reason exists.
6. It's a connection to your roots. Maybe you were named after a relative. Maybe after a character in a book or a teacher or a childhood friend. Maybe you'll never know, but it's a connection.
7. It's what your first mother calls you when she thinks about you.
8. It's what your first father calls you when he thinks about you.
9. It tells you something about your first parents. It reveals something about their culture, their tastes, their sense of humor, the music they listened to... something.
10. When/if you reunite, I want your first mother/father to know that we didn't erase them.
Click here to purchase Sally's adoption book, What I Want My Adopted Child to Know: An Adoptive Parent's Perspective, in softcover, hardcover, or e-book formats.
Sally Bacchetta - Freelance Writer
The Adoptive Parent
Sally Bacchetta's YouTube Channel
Freelance Writer
Parenting
11 comments:
My A parents changed my first and middle name. When I was a kid and we played pretend games I always used my old name as my character. I felt like a different person who was more interesting or exotic than myself. I used to wonder and sometimes still do how my personality would be different if Ingrewnup with my original name. Great post.
Thank you Sally. I lost so much and will never get it back. It may seem like not a big deal, but it really is. Allison (originally Catherine)
Anonymous - Thanks for sharing your experience. I appreciate it.
Allison (Catherine) - Thanks for joining. I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm glad to see you're back, Sally. I understand what you're saying but we felt it was important to change our daughter's name. We're her parents - by adoption but her parents nonetheless. Changing her name was a way to confirm that she's part of our family and it created a connection with us that was new. We would never "erase" her birth parents or her history, but we're a legitimate family and we have our own special bond. John
Great to see you blogging again Sally.
It is so important not to change a child's name. Children are not puppies or toys, but people with their own identities and they are losing so much already. It shouldn't be legal to take a child's name from them. One doesn't need to erase their identity to help them feel they belong. Thank you for understanding and getting this, Sally xxx
{Myst} it’s great to hear your voice again! “One doesn’t need to erase their identity to help them feel they belong.” Exactly! Belonging means the whole of a person belongs. Their past is part of them.
And P.S.-there's no such thing as a "first" mother. Every person on earth has only ONE mother and guess what? They ain't any of you.
John-You are a selfish identity stealing POS and you should be in jail with the rest of the kleptomaniac adopters who take everything away from adoptees without our permission. The arrogance of you people just blows my mind. Adoption should be illegal like shoplifting is and all infertile people should be legally forced to get therapy to accept their deformation,not be allowed to take it out on innocent kids whose primal need is to be with their real and only mother and father. I swear there is a special little place in hell for everyone who adopts and I can't wait until all you immature, self-absorbed narcissists get there.
WOW. Well, I guess Mary went to Hell because Jesus was not her son by blood at all. I am adopted and very proud of it. My first family was toxic and growing up with them would have been a nightmare. My birthmom lost her rights, but is now remarried with another family. There are many instances of adoption in the bible. So, if it is 'anti-christian" than I guess so is the bible. PS: PLEASE see a therapist for your anger issues.
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